"Her Spirit Runs Free"

Our mama bear left us early this morning. We were all with her when she died. Me, Rick, Jessica, Brett, Breanna, Ger, Grandma, Darleen, Maureen and Sylvia were by her side as she lept out of her body and into the light. Jim and Vivi were there in spirit. We were all able to lay with her and tell her how much we loved her, appreciated her, admired her. We all cried our eyes out and told her how much we'd miss her, what a hole she was leaving, but we also told her that we were all okay. Ava was sleeping peacefully in the next room.

My auntie Dar has spent the past month caring for her baby sister. It was an amazing gift to watch her tenderness towards my mom. At her most vulnerable, my mom was able to live out her final days in dignity, peace and comfort. Dar has been a wonderful, selfless support to us all and we appreciate her more than she'll ever know. My cousin Sylvia has also been here for the past several weeks, running to and fro and working her buns off keeping our family together. We are so grateful to them both.

My mom passed away exactly as she'd wanted to, surrounded by her adoring family.

I've spent almost every single day with my mom since I was born. She has been my best friend, my running partner, my teacher, my preacher, my heart. Words cannot express what a huge hole she is leaving in me, my brother and sisters, Rick.

Saying Goodbye

My mom is in the final days of her life. She is not able to communicate verbally and her breathing has changed significantly over the past 24 hours. My brother, sisters, Rick, Dallas, David, Dar and I lit candles tonight and had dinner and a family meeting. It is so hard not to be able to TALK with my mom, but I know she can hear us and it is a wonderful gift and an honour to be able to tell her how much we all love and appreciate her amazing spirit, and to care for her in dignity, in her own space. However excruciating this may be, I know my mom's soul, and it's too big for her body now... I really believe she's needed elsewhere. I feel so lucky and proud to have her as my mother.

Home Sweet Home

Mom's decided to return home on Monday. It was a difficult decision for her, but it feels right to everyone that she be in her own space. The Red Cross delivered all the necessary goodies today~ a reclining chair, a wheelchair, a hospital bed, a wedge for the matrimonial bed and a plethora of other paraphenalia.

We had another family meeting today to discuss the logistics of mom going home. In terms of folks outside of the family visiting, mom would like to limit the hours to 12pm-2pm on Wednesdays. Mom can't have conversations at this point as she drifts in and out, but she welcomes you to sit with her and hold her hand. Please limit the length of your visits to under 10 minutes. If you really want to see her, it would be best to plan a visit within the next few weeks.

If you're looking for ways to reach out to Mom and Rick, food is love. They would absolutely appreciate casseroles and any other "heat 'n' serve" type meals. Mom specifically requests tuna casserole on a regular basis.

A Few Thoughts

I just wanted to say that I know there are many, many people who would love to see my mom before she passes away and who may not get the opportunity. We're going to try to set up times that work for Laurel when folks outside of the family can drop in for short visits... I'm not sure when this will be, but in the meantime, if you are aching to see her, please call the hospice first and the nurses will ask Laurel when would be a good time for a drop in.

My Aunt Dar and I are arranging an outing for my mom to Rithet's Bog, the place where she and I ran together every day for ten years. It's a very dear place to mom. It's going to be quite the production with mom in the wheelchair and me with my stroller... who woulda thought, twelve years ago when we first discovered the bog together. I'm also going to try to get ahold of the couple who adopted our beloved golden retriever, Maizie, to see if they wouldn't mind loaning her to us for a few hours one day.

My mom would appreciate letters or cards (or flowers! she'd never ask for them, but they brighten her day!)... Also, if you have any funny DVDs you wouldn't mind lending, mom has a portable DVD player in her room. Again, we're not trying to sheild mom from the many friends who love her, but her energy gets less and less every day. It has truly been an alarmingly rapid decline and my brother, sister, Rick and I only get to hang out with her for a few minutes each per day.

It's definitely fall...

I think mom will end up deciding on a long-term care bed in Victoria Hospice. She had thought she'd be able to go home, but as the days pass this seems increasingly unlikely. A long-term care bed will give her the flexibility spend days and/or nights at home if she wishes, but is more comfortable for her at this point.

We all know that we will be saying goodbye soon.